Wicked Witch of the West

When it rains outside, my dog turns into the Wicked Witch of the West. I can take her outside, but she won’t do anything except curl her tail between her legs and stare at me. It’s as if she’s saying, “You do realize that if I squat my butt will get wet, right? When are we going back inside so that I can go to the bathroom on the floor?”

I don’t know what to do about her. I’ve tried locking her in my bathroom and putting towels on the floor so that she would at least go on the towels. However, she just whines and scratches at the door until I let her out and then she goes on my floor. My mom had her before I did and she told me that she’s tried the pee-pee pads. Heidi won’t use them. Any suggestions?

She made me so angry this morning that when I brought her inside I threw her in the shower with me. I just kept saying to her, “You little farthead. I’ll show you wet…”